Nursing an Offense?

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11:25)

A friend of mine recently asked for time to forgive. She's dealing with a complex offense and I suspect that the time is for sorting out her own feelings and responses and responsibilities in it. For that, there is certainly grace: "Take as much time as you need."

But often I think that asking for time to forgive is another way of saying, "I'm not ready to stop nursing this wound." In that case, we need to ask, "Lord, how long do you want me to live with unforgiveness?" Or, rephrased in a way that emphasizes the master/disciple relationship, "Lord, for how long are you instructing me to withhold forgiveness?"

There's always grace for our sin. And there's even grace for the sin of unforgiveness. But the expectation of grace is never an excuse for continuing in sin. Yes, each of us knows what it's like to go on sinning with full awareness that we will soon cast ourselves at God's grace. But let's not be comfortable with that. Let's not forget that it is only "hardness of heart" that does that.

Grace is not something we fill our cup with, it's a pool we swim in. We don't stand outside of grace, sipping from it, and filling our cup every time it starts to get empty. We take the plunge into grace and are immersed in it completely. It is expected that we live there. That's why Jesus said that God can't forgive us while we live with unforgiveness. To live without grace is to live outside of grace. Does that still scare us? Are we not alarmed to ask for more time to live outside of grace?


It seems to me that, for all the advancements we've made in understanding relationships, and the psychology of hurt and healing, we've moved away from what Jesus expected of forgiveness. We think of it as a feeling we extend, perhaps of warmth or renewed affection. But Jesus saw it as the act of an ambassador, extending God's grace on his behalf, for the restoration of relationship.

21 ...Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."22 And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive anyone's sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven." (John 20)

And it's not that we're supposed to just go throwing around forgiveness everywhere. The Gospel is still clear that forgiveness comes through repentance. That's not because repentance is a "cost" you need to pay to receive forgiveness. Repentance is the discontinuation of an offense; forgiveness is the grace to let relationship be restored on the basis of that repentance.

So why do we need to take so long at it? Again, Jesus said,

3 So watch yourselves."If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent,' you must forgive them." (Luke 17)

Wow. In our "I need time to forgive" culture, we would never be able to forgive someone seven times in one day. We have so complicated things. But do we really believe Jesus was clueless about it? Or can we return to a simple expectation of repentance and forgiveness? 

Again, discernment of an offense is one thing; nursing of an offense is another. Be immersed in grace; be quick to forgive; be quick to restore relationship.

A Word to Influencers

Pastors, ministers, church leaders, worship leaders, youth workers, Sunday School teachers -- any follower of Christ who has accepted a position of influencing others -- I was challenged this morning by my reading in Acts. See whether it inspires you the way it inspires me. 

Paul was visiting with the elders of the church he planted in Ephesus, and where he lived and ministered for two years. He said: 

Acts  20:18 ..."You know how I lived the whole time I was with you...

We, too, can say that the people in our churches, in our jobs, in our families, and in our neighborhoods know how we live. Are you living well? I mean, your conscience may be clear that people don't see great recklessness or irresponsibility in your life, but there's a difference between being good and not being bad. People know how we live! Let's make sure it's more than "just not bad"; let's make sure it's good. 

19 "I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my...opponents.

Ministry, and even faithfulness itself, lives in the land of opposition. Even in a good church with good people there is tension born out of everything from fear and misunderstanding to bitterness and hatred. In my two years at Bahia Vista I can't say it's been severe (thank you Lord) but I have been tested by opposition. And I've gotten frustrated and, to those closest to me, have been pretty free with my "UGH!". When someone persists in reckless behavior, or can't tame their biting tongue, it can be so frustrating! And I like to imagine that Paul "ughed" too. 

But there's a difference between the "ugh" of compassion and the "ugh" of inconvenience. Even in the midst of attack, let's be those who serve the Lord "with great humility and with tears". I mean, who are we after all? To puff out our chests and posture against the opposition is silly to even think about when following in the footsteps of someone who willingly gave up his back to his enemies. 

20 "You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 

It's one thing to preach a sermon or teach a prepared lesson or write a blog. You can pick your thoughts and words ahead of time and wax eloquent in theological abstractions. It's another thing to teach "from house to house" -- to get into the thicket of people's lives. 

I don't like to be the bearer of bad news. I don't even like to give hard-to-accept news. But there are times when God allows a disappointment or hardship in someone's life so that it will knock them off their feet and onto their knees in surrender. There's a difference between being gentle and being a buffer. When we step in as the buffer to protect someone from reality, we are standing between them and the Holy Spirit! Why do we want to help the Holy Spirit pull the punch? If it makes contact at all it just gives the person a little shove. And it could even just shove them further away. On their knees is the best place they can be. Let them taste the bitterness of their sins. Let them fear God. Let them give up and surrender. Let them kneel.

My personal ministry verse was also written by Paul, in Colossians 1:28-29, "We proclaim [Christ], admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me." 

There is so much in that verse! Is there anything helpful that you're hesitating to preach or teach? Are you shying away from admonishing and teaching with wisdom? Are you working hard at presenting people "fully mature in Christ"? THAT is what should drive us! -- more than just making sure people feel good.

Are you still sold out to the Gospel as the primary change-agent in people's lives? Paul went on to say, 

21 "I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus."

Some people are familiar with the Gospel, some people are not. Most people reject the Gospel. But it's still the Gospel. Are you still in the Gospel business? Are you still declaring to people that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus? If not rooted in that Gospel, and if not carried with a humility and tears that can be seen in the way we live, all our "ministry" and "influence" is a waste. 

If you've accepted a position of influencing others, be encouraged and inspired to accept this challenge. Be a living witness; be humble and caring; be gentle and bold and direct; be convinced about the Gospel, knowing that God has you where you are for no lesser or greater purpose than to present them fully mature in Christ.

Without Hope?

"...remember that...you were separate from Christ, excluded...foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world." Ephesians 2:12 

Tuesday I took a prayer day at a lake by my house. As I was there I heard from God in some very compelling ways. I'd stand on the dock, looking out over the lake, listening and praying. Then I'd sit at the picnic table and reflect more in my prayer journal. Then I'd stand up and walk back and forth on the dock again, praying, followed by more interaction in my prayer journal.

What a wonderful time with the Lord.

But then, a couple thousand feet away, I noticed a thick plume of dark black smoke with an intense fire at the base of it. I watched a helicopter come and start circling it. I closed up my books and headed down there to find a pickup truck being doused by firemen. A bystander said there was a man inside, and that it looked like a suicide. He had seen the man driving back and forth down the lane, near the dock where I was, and that he looked distraught. Not long after that he parked his truck and it went up in flames. He was 66.

What a horrible way to die. How much does one have to be without hope to end their life by fire?

My heart hurts for the man, and I'm struck by the contradiction of experiences: while I was enjoying a wonderful prayer time with God, he drove within fifty yards of me, not able to live with himself anymore. I was talking to God about things to come. He was unable to find any hope for a livable future.

As I think about it, I realize that it's not an isolated reality. Those of us who love the Lord and find great delight in him are constantly rubbing shoulders with people who are without hope in the world. They can't live with themselves anymore so some take their own lives. Others just give up their lives to senseless or destructive behavior.

I believe God is always working to move people toward himself. I don't know all the reasons why some people don't receive his grace, but I do know that his grace awaits each person, no matter how distraught they are, or how final their actions are. And I also know that his grace has been entrusted to those of us who have received it, and we need to be attentive in sharing it.

This morning I prayed, "Lord, next time, speak my name loudly, get my attention, spark my intuition, cause me to notice, stir my soul so much that I look up from whatever I'm doing, and move me to crowd in and rescue the hopeless with love and care." May he answer that prayer for all of us who have found hope in him.

One last thought: If you are without hope, please ask for help. There are people around you who have an eternal hope; they really do have hope to spare, and have been gifted by Jesus Christ to carry you when you can't carry yourself. Hear this encouragement from Ephesians 5:14. It's meant for all of us, and in this moment, I believe it's especially for you:

"Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

It really is possible. If you need help finding that hope, please write me at roger@bahiavistachurch.org.